


One More

by midoritakamine



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Binge Eating Disorder, Eating Disorders, Mentions of emeto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 14:23:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7536253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midoritakamine/pseuds/midoritakamine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He tells no one. And no one ever asks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One More

**Author's Note:**

> i've been having some sweet mentally ill feelings myself recently and it turned into this vent fic which i hope is uh Okay  
> i love tsukasa and it says he binge eats and i started to spiral

Today it happens again.

Tsukasa shakes his head as he looks in the mirror. His grandiose bathroom makes him feel small. The sound of running water in the sink echoes, becoming a dull buzz as all background noise becomes. He shouldn't feel used to this.

His eyes are heavy with bags; he didn't sleep well last night and if he's as good at predictions as he believes himself to be, he will not sleep well tonight again. He touches the sensitive skin, tinged purple and blue. This isn't what a Suou looks like. A Suou is proud, strong, well-rested, well-fed, and-

Well-fed. He bites his lip and lowers his gaze again.

Being well-fed differs depending on who he asks. Sena-senpai would give him a specific calorie number. Otogari-senpai gives him various types of meats as examples. If he asks himself? Tsukasa smiles weakly. "Sixteen manjuu, three takoyaki from the commoner food stall, two udon, a bowl of miso soup, some mochi made by Onee-sama, and snacks from the tea club." His weak smile turns to anger and he glares at himself harder than before. Pathetic.

"You are a Suou," Tsukasa repeats to himself quietly, almost inaudible over the water, "and a Suou is not like this. A Suou is proud. A Suou is strong... what are you?" He runs a hand through his hair and lifts his head, attempting to put on his usual brave face. "You're nothing." He can see himself crack slightly upon saying that.

He leaves the sink. The water is still running, but he couldn't care in the least. His family has the money to pay for the water bill. They can pay a water bill but they cannot pay attention to their son. He has no joy in his laugh as he thinks. They have enough money to pay for fifty servants but they don't have any attention to pay him. Perhaps that's why they pay the servants, to give him attention. His face contorts and he clenches his fists, breathing in deeply to calm his nerves. It's okay, he reminds himself. It's okay because he has Onee-sama. He has Tenshouin Onii-sama. Sena-senpai, and Ritsu-senpai, and Narukami-senpai, and Leader. He has them and he breathes. He can get attention if he needs it.

So why is he still eating so badly?

Why does he shovel all the foods around him into his mouth while the air of disappointment hovers over him? He's ruining the Suou family name. He's going to become unable to perform as an idol if he doesn't stop. He's going to be sick if he doesn't stop (which is what lead him to the bathroom this time in the first place.) He's going to ruin himself and he's going to have nowhere to run and nobody to blame except himself. He's going to blame himself and he's going to be miserable again. And if he becomes miserable, he's going to eat.

Swallowing the dry lump in his throat, Tsukasa paces around the bathroom. Nobody knows, he reassures himself. Nobody knows what he's doing, so it's fine. He doesn't have to worry about the disgust on their faces. The hatred on his parents' faces. The disappointment on Onee-sama's face as she realizes all her treats are just gobbled down like an unrefined commoner. If nobody knows, he won't lose anybody. He won't have to feel guilty.

So he tells no one. And no one ever asks.

No one asks why he takes five croissants off the snack bar at Valkyrie's last live, watching as Tenshouin Onii-sama cuts Itsuki-kun's puppeteer strings into pieces. No one asks why he asks Onee-sama for one more treat. No one asks when he eats half the White Day chocolates he receives on the same day.

No one asks when Tsukasa swings open the bathroom door, calling for two servants. No one asks when the servants deliver a baker's dozen of freshly cooked manjuu to his room. No one asks as he shuts the door, one in his mouth and the others resting on his bed. No one asks when he's up at three that night, pacing back and forth again and debating on whether kneeling over the toilet and holding back tears will be enough atonement for the shame he brings his family, his unit, himself.

Tsukasa Suou tells no one. And no one ever asks.


End file.
